Hungry?

Saturday evening, we attended a !!!GLUTEN FREE POTLUCK!!! hosted by the Celiac Support Group of Greater Phoenix. The stars must have been aligned just right because not only was it being held in our area, but I was also able to get my pal, Steph, and her family to join us too! Steph and I have been friends for about 3 years. She was diagnosed with celiac disease 5 years ago.

I don't think I can explain how wonderful it felt knowing that Addy and I could eat ANYTHING there. Oh, my...and it was all so good...

I snagged as many pictures of all the deliciousness as I could before being dragged in 3 different directions by 3 little girls. There was SO MUCH more than just what I have pictured here. Oh, but these lemon bars. OH MY...they were SO blogworthy :) Addy and I agreed that they were our favorite dish of the evening!

It was alot of carb guessing. Alot of hoping that we got it right. Alot of sugar checks to keep tabs on things. In the end, she topped out at 260 -- not so bad, considering she had THREE different desserts!

D (Mom) Blog Chat

Well, I'm not much of a computer techno savvy girl. BUT I knew right away that this is what I wanted to blog about for D Blog Day!

Somehow, I managed to figure out how to join a network and participate in a spontaneous live chat yesterday with a bunch of other D Mom Bloggers. It really wasn't planned -- just an idea thrown out there on Facebook and the next thing you know...

Well, you know what happens when you get a bunch of ladies in the room...even a virtual room online...

**CHAT**CHAT**CHAT**CHAT**

We are all raising children with Type 1 Diabetes. There was someone having highs or lows and there were moms who needed to take a break to go check a blood sugar or deal with other kiddos at bedtime (OR BOTH!). Someone had to go back to shots because the pump doesn't seem to be delivering corrections....someone is excited about starting a journey from shots to the pump. Diabetes is always there...but, you know what...

We spent most of the time chatting about how cool it was to be chatting :) You'd think the screen would be bombarded with messages about ketones and blood sugars and carbs and activity levels.

And, yeah, there was a sprinkle of all that here and there. But, mostly, we were like a bunch of kids learning to play with a new toy. "Is she here?" "Where did she go?' "Wow this is cool!" "Look I changed my font!" "We need to find so-n-so!" "I'm trying to get so-n-so in the room."

At one point, there were NINE of us on there at the same time. It was quite a party....complete with a dancing pig :)

Thanks, fellow D Moms. I feel like you guys are family! For any other D Moms out there who would like to join the fun, just drop me an e-mail and I'll add you to my network. I'm thinking about setting up a yahoo group or something so that we can schedule regular chats on a community calendar and keep everyone on the same page....stay tuned...

PS -- Mom, they said you are "Da Bomb"!

Holli's Memorial

Funeral services for Holli will be held at Good Shepherd United Methodist Church in Waldorf, MD on Friday, November 13 at 11AM.

Visitation will be held on Thursday, November 12 from 2-4PM and 6-8PM at Raymond Funeral Service in LaPlata, MD.

The family requests that any flowers sent be received by Raymond Funeral Service by 2PM on Thursday November 12.

Memorial contributions may be made to the Holli White Memorial Fund or The Allison Foundation. For contributions to the Holli White Memorial Fund, please make checks payable to Good Shepherd United Methodist Church with "Holli" in the memo. For contributions to the The Allison Foundation, please make checks payable to The Allison Foundation.

The Allison Foundation
P.O. Box 393
Port Tobacco, MD 20677

http://www.allisonfoundation.org/

Good Shepherd United Methodist Church
305 E. Smallwood Drive
Waldorf, Maryland 20602
301-843-6797

http://www.gsumc.com/

Raymond Funeral Service
5635 Washington Ave
La Plata, MD 20646-4222
301-934-2920

http://www.raymondfuneralservice.com/

**The Allison Foundation was established in 2006 in honor of Holli's oldest daughter. Condolence cards should be sent to this address and will be recieved by the family.

At this time, there is not any information regarding a trust fund for the children. Should one become available, I will be sure to post that information.

Click here for a song selection to hear Holli's beautiful voice.

Thank you, everyone, for your loving prayers and support.

Sigh.

You guys have been so awesome. E-mails, phone calls, comments...I've felt your love and just wanted to let you know that I appreciate all of it. It has meant so much to me that you have kept Holli in your thoughts and prayers over the past few weeks. I feel comforted knowing that so many amazing people were fighting for her alongside me.

I checked the church's website hoping to find information about her funeral arrangements. I couldn't help but to fight the tears again when I saw her name there -- still listed as the Music Director. I just stared at it....wondering if her e-mail account is full and thinking how sad I am that she won't be returning any of her messages.

As far as I can tell, nothing has been posted yet. I love the idea of sending cards to her family -- one day they will serve as a tangible reminder to her children of just how far her story stretched. I don't think I've mentioned this before, but her oldest daughter has autism. Holli was a mother, just like many of us...and autism was her journey - much like diabetes is mine....and, perhaps, yours too.

I've also gotten questions about the possibility of a trust fund, but I just don't know any of that information yet. As soon as I get it, I will be sure to get everyone updated.

I do have the link to a touching video of Holli singing...it's about 4 minutes long and in the middle you can see her sitting at the piano in her element. The song seems most appropriate right now.

Anyway, I'm not sure how to start blogging about "normal life" when it suddenly feels so abnormal. But I do have a very special post and don't want to overlook the joy of new life, even as I face the reality of my friend's death.

Doula Days

I have been a Registered Nurse since 1993...I spent a long time working as an ER nurse, then a PACU nurse (aka "Recovery Room"), and then a L&D nurse.

While working in L&D, I became a certified doula. While I wouldn't say that I have a passion for L&D nursing, I did REALLY enjoy the experience of being a doula. There's a HUGE difference. Anyway, it was during that process that diabetes came along. I had started my own little doula practice and had dreams of it flourishing. Ah, but it's hard enough to find on-call child care in the middle of the night (Jason had to leave the house by 5 am), let alone finding it for a diabetic 2 year old. Eventually, the child care issue became problematic enough that I left bedside nursing and I've been working from home for about 2 years now

My friend and neighbor, Becke, found out she was expecting her 4th baby earlier this year. Secretly I hoped that I could attend her delivery, but...sigh...you know....those things are special and, well, I'm just a neighbor.

But she called last Tuesday around 10 am! I could tell she was in labor...but she said she needed to finish her dishes (which, by the way, I told her that I would finish for her because I REALLY thought she needed to consider going to the hospital!!!)

At 1, I begged her to let me take her to the hospital (her husband works out of state) on my way to Addy's endo appt (BTW 7.3 down from 7.7 - thank you very much) She declined my offer because -- well -- she didn't think it was labor. Besides, she was scheduled for an induction at 9 pm.

Two hours later, I talked to her while her sister was driving her to the hospital. 8cm on arrival....how's THAT for not being in labor?

So I waited. And waited. And waited. Around 8 there still wasn't a baby. Hmmmm.....those nursing/doula wheels started spinning. I asked if I could come hang out with her and she agreed :) So, I put on my doula shirt (I have a special shirt JUST for these special occasions), grabbed a bottle of water, and couldn't WAIT to get there.

It was such an honor to spend that time with Becke. She had a healthy beautiful baby boy at 12:37 am. He weighed in at 9 lbs, 2 oz (!!!!!) and was 21 inches long.

I felt renewed. Sharing Becke's joy and seeing her little miracle lifted my spirits! I soared home, knowing that Addy's numbers were giving us some trouble -- fully realizing that I would probably be up several times dealing with diabetes, despite not getting to bed until 2 am. But I didn't care. Life felt refreshing and new and wonderful.

It was very easy to remember why I loved my Doula Days.

Why?

It’s difficult to wrap my brain around the fact that my friend, Holli, died this morning. It’s impossible to believe that she lost her life to H1N1. Why do things like this happen?

The truth is that, as mere humans, we simply do not possess the ability to comprehend how such tragedy could possibly be part of a larger – GOOD - plan. This is where faith comes in.

There’s a little magnet hanging on my fridge that one of our girls brought home from church a few weeks ago. It says: “Faith is choosing to trust in the things you can’t see because of the things you can see.”

That’s a very powerful statement.

I have made a CHOICE to believe that God is good. Among a million blessings, I have been blessed with an incredible husband…smiling children…and God’s amazing provision following Adalyne’s diabetes diagnosis. These are the things that I CAN see.

I can say with assurance that, YES, God is good.

Even now. Even while my heart feels broken and the tears won’t stop. The truth is that Holli is part of a much larger plan. While I can’t SEE why things are the way they are, I have FAITH that it is all part of something incredible.

I’ve spent the majority of my day reflecting on Holli and the influence she had on my life. My fondest memory of Holli was our church’s 2002 Christmas cantata. She was absolutely amazing. I am so honored to have had the opportunity to sing under her musical direction.

Distractions came easily today. I was watching my neighbor’s 3 children and it was a half day. The post I had planned for today was about the incredible experience of supporting my friend through her labor and delivery the other night. That one will come…in time…

So, what to you do with a house full of kids and a grieving heart?

Well, since Holli reminds me of Christmas…and Becke's kids were a little on the sad side since they haven’t seen their mama for a few days, we spent the day enjoying Christmas.

We watched Elf. And listened to Christmas music.

And made (gluten free) sugar cookies.

And, yes, I know it was 90 degrees outside, but we drank Candycane hot chocolate anyway. Then we decorated cookies with gobs of leftover frosting that was probably expired.

And, really, who cares that the only decorations I could find were from the 4th of July and someone’s Tinkerbell cupcakes long ago?

We finished the day with an Easter egg hunt….several of them, actually. Just because…

You know why? Because you never know what tomorrow holds. Because you never know when you’ll wake up and learn that a loved one is gone.

And life is too short to waste time doing anything that isn’t GOOD.

God bless you, Holli. May your crystal clear soprano voice resound from Heaven forever.

Angel

Holli White

Angel Wings 11/5/09

Thank you, everyone, for your prayers.